I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
