k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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