i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
