And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
