He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
