cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
