the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
