PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
