Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
