I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
be right there i have to get my cape
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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