tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
