how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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