Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
