I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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