thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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