U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
