We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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