You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
