Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
