Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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