Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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