he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
