he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
