You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
