omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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