come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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