I think i peed on brittanys purse
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
