No stitches, just platelets and will power
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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