i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
