i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
