Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
