You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
