Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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