You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
