I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
