The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
