I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
love makes seman taste better
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
