The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
