Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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