Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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