am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
