thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
