yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
