do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
