so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
