I haven't been this sober since birth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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