your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it wasn't lemon gatorade
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
