Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
