i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
