it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All the doctor said was why
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
