He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
