Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
