I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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