So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a hot homeless man
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
