Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
