i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
