I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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