his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
