Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
