I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize