do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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