She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
