If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
