In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
