I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
