you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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