If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
